Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I lost my Name

One of the most touching moments in the show Queen Seondeok of Silla:


因为,我没有自己的名字…… 太子也好,公主也好,市井的人也好,他们都有自己的名字。但是,作为王,是没有自己名字的 我只是陛下 现在谁也不能再叫我的名字了。叫我的名字,就是叛逆啊 就算你是因为恋慕而叫我的名字 那也是对天下的背叛啊!

你问我为什么变了。因为从我失去名字的那一刻起 你就只是我众多有势力的臣下中的一个。而我只是算计着你,对你有疑心的王 你会不会成为另一个美室呢? 必须要这样疑心和提防着啊!

BiDam asked Deokman why did she changed? She is unable to see the good side of him anymore. Deokman replied with this soliloquy. Basically, she lost her name. Everybody now must call her Majesty out of respect. So she lost her identity and becomes only a King. A king who must learn to distrust and use everybody around her as a pawn.

I have the same discussion often with others in church. I wish to be called by my name. But the older folks thinks it is disrespectful. They said I have to be called 牧师 (Reverend). In doing so, I slowly lost my name. I am no longer a person capable of flaws and subjected to whims. I became a title, seemingly perfect. Yet I have lost my freedom to act. I am now not me but an imaginary figure without a name.

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